Parents Learning Together was recently joined by one of Lead’s behavior specialists. She helped the group learn to connect with their children before making any behavioral corrections.
- It is important that grown-ups set out boundaries and communicate expectations to children.
- Correcting a child should begin in a loving and nurturing way. Even when children have done something wrong, we want them to still feel seen, heard, and loved.
How do we show our children that they are seen, heard, and loved? We can use the ‘Connection Cycle.’
Communicate Comfort
- Positive touch.
- Non-threatening facial expressions.
- Get down to their level.
- Soft tone of voice.
- Non-threatening body posture (relaxed vs. crossed arms).
Validate
- Identify and label what the child is feeling.
- Show that you understand why they are upset.
- Acknowledge that you heard their concerns from their point of view.
Listen
- Try not to ‘lecture’, especially when the child is already in a heightened.
- emotional state
- Try not to challenge their thoughts.
- Engage in Active Listening
Reflect
- Communicate to the child what they have said.
- Let the child know they have your attention.
- Ultimately, we want the child to know that you understand their position.
Once the child has calmed from the limit or boundaries that have been set, we can work on ‘repairing’ the relationship. We can discuss with the child why the limit or expectation was put in place. Now that the child is more regulated, we can use more language as well as plan for similar future scenarios.
