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When children learn to solve problems, they gain confidence, resilience, and self-esteem. Children need guidance when learning to solve problems. Parents and caregivers can use the following 5 tips to help teach problem solving skills!

Teach Flexible Thinking – When children have choices and options at an early age, they begin to build cognitive flexibility, they see all the possibilities. Try using these tips a) make a small change in the daily routine i.e. “Do you want to take a bath before or after dinner?” b) use flexible language i.e. “Let’s see if we can try this another way” c) brainstorm options for as many things as possible i.e. Pizza toppings, ways to travel, ice cream flavours, or paint colours d) decide on a new rule for a favourite family game.

Celebrate Mistakes – Children who fear making mistakes are less likely to try and solve their own problems. Let them know that it’s normal and natural to make mistakes, and everybody does it. Use mistakes as a learning opportunity, talk about what went wrong and discuss different options to try next time. You can share your own challenges with solving problems, and let your kids know what you tried to solve the problem. If you are stuck trying to solve a problem, ask your children for some help (for example, “What would you do? What are some different options to try?”).

Don’t Rush In – The next time you feel tempted to rush in and solve your child’s problem, take a deep breath and try a different strategy, often, they just need to hear the message that you believe in them, and they are capable. You can discuss the differences between ‘kid problems’ and ‘adult problems’. Make a list with your child of issues a parent should always helps solve; when someone’s hurt, in danger, or there’s an issue of safety.

Practice Mindfulness – Studies show that mindfulness promotes problem-solving. When we learn to quiet the mind, the answer often becomes obvious. Try these following tips:

• Read stories and discuss how mindfulness could help the characters in the story solve their problems.
• Take a ‘listening walk’ together and count the sounds you hear, or the odours you smell, or the colours you see.
• Praise your child for pausing or taking a deep breath before reacting to a challenge.
• Modeling mindfulness for your child is also key. The next time you face a problem, calmly verbalize your feelings about it. Point out how you’re pausing before responding to an upsetting work email, unkind comment, or any other challenge that arises.

Any learned skill takes time, love, and patience. Take things in small steps and don’t try to rush your child’s learning process. Meet them where they are and go from there.

As seen at Big Life Journal

Healthy boundaries are flexible and will change as your children grow. You will likely have many conversations about different types of boundaries and why they are important.

Be aware of your own boundaries, and make sure you communicate your own needs and wants.

Let children know they are the boss of their own bodies – create opportunities for your child to understand that they are in control of how they interact with others and how others interact with them. Never force hugs or kisses, even with relatives. If your child does not want to hug during greetings or goodbyes, let them know that is OK, they can wave, high-five, blow a kiss, or simply say goodbye.

Ask for permission before touching children and encourage them to do the same – model this behaviour. Before reaching out for a hug from a child, niece, nephew etc, ask permission to do so. If the child is very young, or nonverbal, get into the habit of communicating consent by letting them know what you are doing and why, before you touch them. For example, “I’m going to button up your shirt, so you will be ready for school,” or “I’m going to rub shampoo into your hair, so you’re clean.”

Be direct about talking about body anatomy – it’s common to rely on cutesy phrases when referring to genitalia but coming up with alternate words can send the message that parts of our bodies are embarrassing, or not to be talked about. Kids who are taught not to talk about their bodies may feel less connected to their bodies and may not listen to their own body signals, making it hard to distinguish between a good touch and a bad touch.

Let children know its ok to ask for help and help them identify ‘safe’ adults – teach kids that safe adults listen to what they want and need, and don’t make them feel uncomfortable or scared. Finding safe adults at school, church, community centers and family members will help build up your child’s network.

Talk about consent outside of the context of sex – Typically, the word ‘consent’ is brought up in a sexual context only, but you can make consent a part of everyday conversations by using it to frame any permission-seeking. Teach kids to ask for consent before borrowing items, before posting photos online, when making group plans, and as always, before touching other people. Visit this link for more resources on teaching kids consent: https://www.nsvrc.org/blogs/how-parents-can-talk-their-kids-about-consent

Talk early and often – Sexual development is just as important as physical, cognitive, and emotional development. Having age-appropriate conversations throughout your child’s development can help our kids feel more confident and comfortable seeking out honest and open conversations about their bodies, boundaries, and consent. Not having these conversations can lead to our children developing unhealthy attitudes or beliefs about their own sexuality and others’ sexuality.

Emphasize confidence and emotional intelligence – Healthy boundaries often require us to be confident in our own opinions, desires, and needs. To build confidence, children need to learn how to identify what they need, where their limits are, and the types of interactions with which they are comfortable. We can help our kids build emotional intelligence (EI is the ability to manage both your emotions and understand the emotions of people around you through open and honest discussions.) Talk about emotions and acknowledge your own and your child’s emotions frequently, encourage them to share how they are feeling. Ask questions like “how did that make you feel?” or “why do you think you felt that way?” or “would you do anything differently next time?”

Teach them it’s ok to say NO – being able to say ‘no’ is a basic skill that every child needs to learn as it applies to all personal boundaries. Saying ‘no’ isn’t always easy and some people have great difficulty saying ‘no.’ Practice early and often with your child. Role-play different scenarios, such as saying no to a family member asking for a hug or saying no to a friend that wants to play something your child doesn’t want to. While practicing how to say no, also discuss and practice scenarios on how your child may react if they are on the receiving end of ‘no.’ We can all feel rejected when told ‘no’ but practicing different ways of dealing with rejection can help in future relationships. Healthy boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. Boundaries are flexible and will change as your children grow. Have lots of conversations about the different types of boundaries and why they are important and remember that this takes patience and practice. Be aware of your own boundaries and make sure you communicate your own needs and wants.