Bulletin Board

Let children know they are the boss of their own bodies – create opportunities for your child to understand that they are in control of how they interact with others and how others interact with them. Never force hugs or kisses, even with relatives. If your child does not want to hug during greetings or goodbyes, let them know that is OK, they can wave, high-five, blow a kiss, or simply say goodbye.

Ask for permission before touching children and encourage them to do the same – model this behaviour. Before reaching out for a hug from a child, niece, nephew etc, ask permission to do so. If the child is very young, or nonverbal, get into the habit of communicating consent by letting them know what you are doing and why, before you touch them. For example, “I’m going to button up your shirt, so you will be ready for school,” or “I’m going to rub shampoo into your hair, so you’re clean.”

Be direct about talking about body anatomy – it’s common to rely on cutesy phrases when referring to genitalia but coming up with alternate words can send the message that parts of our bodies are embarrassing, or not to be talked about. Kids who are taught not to talk about their bodies may feel less connected to their bodies and may not listen to their own body signals, making it hard to distinguish between a good touch and a bad touch.

Let children know its ok to ask for help and help them identify ‘safe’ adults – teach kids that safe adults listen to what they want and need, and don’t make them feel uncomfortable or scared. Finding safe adults at school, church, community centres and family members will help build up your child’s network.

Talk about consent outside of the context of sex – Typically, the word ‘consent’ is brought up in a sexual context only, but you can make consent a part of everyday conversations by using it to frame any permission-seeking. Teach kids to ask for consent before borrowing items, before posting photos online, when making group plans, and as always, before touching other people. Visit this link for more resources on teaching kids consent: https://www.nsvrc.org/blogs/how-parents-can-talk-their-kids-about-consent

Talk early and often – Sexual development is just as important as physical, cognitive, and emotional development. Having age-appropriate conversations throughout your child’s development can help our kids feel more confident and comfortable seeking out honest and open conversations about their bodies, boundaries, and consent. Not having these conversations can lead to our children developing unhealthy attitudes or beliefs about their own sexuality and others’ sexuality.

Emphasize confidence and emotional intelligence – Healthy boundaries often require us to be confident in our own opinions, desires, and needs. To build confidence, children need to learn how to identify what they need, where their limits are, and the types of interactions with which they are comfortable. We can help our kids build emotional intelligence (EI is the ability to manage both your emotions and understand the emotions of people around you through open and honest discussions.) Talk about emotions and acknowledge your own and your child’s emotions frequently, encourage them to share how they are feeling. Ask questions like “how did that make you feel?” or “why do you think you felt that way?” or “would you do anything differently next time?”

Teach them it’s ok to say NO – being able to say ‘no’ is a basic skill that every child needs to learn as it applies to all personal boundaries. Saying ‘no’ isn’t always easy and some people have great difficulty saying ‘no.’ Practice early and often with your child. Role-play different scenarios, such as saying no to a family member asking for a hug or saying no to a friend that wants to play something your child doesn’t want to. While practicing how to say no, also discuss and practice scenarios on how your child may react if they are on the receiving end of ‘no.’ We can all feel rejected when told ‘no’ but practicing different ways of dealing with rejection can help in future relationships. Healthy boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. Boundaries are flexible and will change as your children grow. Have lots of conversations about the different types of boundaries and why they are important and remember that this takes patience and practice. Be aware of your own boundaries and make sure you communicate your own needs and wants.

The holidays can be a stressful time of the year, sometimes leaving parents and caregivers exhausted, drained, and unmotivated for any kind of self-care.

Here are some tips to help support you in taking care of you:

Make time for yourself – It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of extra tasks and hassles that the holidays bring. Added on top of regular caregiver responsibilities, it can really amp up the stress. To help balance this out, make it a priority to take some time for yourself to sit quietly, relax and recharge. Remind yourself that this isn’t a waste of time. Brief time-outs can make you feel more present and calm.

Know your priorities – There may be dozens of things going on after the holiday season, and you can run yourself ragged trying to keep up with all the demands. Take a moment to consider what is the most important to you? Taking this time to consider what gives you the most meaning and fulfilment can help you prioritize activities, events, and even people.

Reflect on what you are grateful for – Practicing daily gratitude is a proven stress buster. The practice of gratitude can change your perspective and helps you see that there is always some good in life, even in tough times. To practice, write down 3 things you are grateful for or tell someone why you are grateful for them.

Remember that post holiday stress will pass – When you are in the middle of a stressful situation, it can feel as if it will never pass. Keep reminding yourself that this will be over soon, and that you have successfully made it through every other holiday season, and you made it through this one too. Try to notice all the positive things happening, see the joy.

Try to understand why you might be having negative emotions – Negative emotions during and after the holidays could be related to unrealistic expectations of yourself or your family, goals set too high, or just feeling overwhelmed. If you are feeling negative, you may need to adjust your expectations to match the reality of the situation or choose to do a few less activities.

Find reasons to laugh – Humor is a fantastic way to reduce stress and an effective way of coping with challenging situations. Take the opportunity to laugh as much as possible after the holidays are over. If being funny doesn’t come naturally to you, watch a funny movie or show or play a funny game like charades or have a fun sing-along.

Take a few moments for deep breathing, meditation, or music – To help your body de-stress and relax, try a simple breathing technique that can be used anywhere at any time – What is Box Breathing?, or try meditating for a few minutes – 2 Min Re-Centering Mindfulness Meditation for De-stressing. Other ways to help your body and mind release tension are to get out into nature, listen to music, do a quick workout, or stretch your body.

Lean on a self care buddy – When you know that times are going to be challenging, it can help you to have someone to talk to – in person, online, via phone, or even by text. Sharing our challenges with others in a non-judgmental environment can really help alleviate stress and remind us that we aren’t alone.

The holiday season can be a very hectic and overwhelming time for many of us. Changes in routines, busy places, and disruptions to sleep schedules can make us all feel overwhelmed. Here are some tips to help navigate and enjoy the holiday season!

Prepare your child – Knowing what to expect or what the experience might be like can help reduce stress and anxiety. Using social stories is a great way to help prepare. Visuals and pictures of the experience can help.

Schedules – Our children can benefit from schedules and routines, but these can be hard to maintain over the holidays. One way to help is to go over the day’s events with your child in the morning, discuss any changes to the schedule that may happen that day.

Find ways to keep sensory routines – Does your child typically engage in sensory activities daily to maintain regulation? If so, they will need that input and probably even more so during the holiday season. It can help to have your child engage in calming sensory routines just prior to leaving for or engaging in a hectic holiday event.

Consider the food options – Our kids with sensory challenges are sometimes picky eaters too. This won’t magically stop during the holidays, and a holiday party is probably not the place to try to get your child to try a new vegetable. If you are attending a party and you know there will be nothing on the host’s menu your child will like, consider bringing them a lunch kit full of snacks they will eat.

Check if there is a ‘sensory friendly option’ – There may be a sensory friendly option to many holiday activities. Check to see if there are times set aside for sensory friendly experiences when exploring holiday events.

Watch for signs of sensory overload – No matter how much we prepare for an event; our kids may still experience some level of sensory overload. You may notice signs of your child becoming overwhelmed. They may put their hands over their ears or shield their eyes. At this point, they may still be calm, but if it’s beginning to be too much, your child may become irritable, cry, act nervous/anxious, hyperreactive or overly silly. When you start to see some of these things, it may be a good time to take a break. Remember that when an experience is especially stressful, it is even harder for our kids to communicate how they feel and what they need. Although we are always striving for independence, our kids may need our help and prompting a little more during the holiday season to manage their sensory needs – and that is ok!

Identify a quiet space or plan for escape – If you are in a public place, there may be a place set aside for families to take a break or have a quiet space. If you are going to someone’s house, maybe there is an extra room upstairs that could be identified as a quiet break space if your child needs it. This links back to preparation; it’s always good to have a backup plan if the experience gets to be too much.

Bring tools with you – Try bringing familiar or preferred items along with you if possible. These can include stuffed animals, little toys, fidgets – whatever your child likes and brings them joy. These items can help a child stay calm during a stressful experience. Some children may benefit from noise cancelling headphones or sunglasses to help manage auditory and visual input.

Talk with your family and loved ones – During the holidays we sometimes see family members that we typically don’t see during the year. This can be nice, but also stressful if you have a child with sensory needs. Having a conversation or sending an email ahead of the holiday party may be helpful to give your family a heads up on what your child may need. This way, if your child needs to take a break, they can help identify a quiet space. If your child doesn’t want to hug their aunt or eat the food she prepared, she won’t get offended.

Remember to try and find a little bit of time every day to take a deep breath and relax your body and mind. We can forget to take care of ourselves amongst everything else during a busy holiday season!

As a parent, you are your child’s best education advocate – until they’re old enough and informed enough to advocate for themselves. You know your child’s strengths and challenges, and you can help identify and push for the resources your child needs to succeed.

Know your child’s strengths and challenges – Observe and learn what upsets your child and what brings them calm. Explore their strengths so you can work with the school to find ways that best support how they learn.

Keep and organize paperwork – Try to keep copies of report cards, progress reports, IPPs (Individualized Program Plans), medical records, helpful homework samples, etc. They can provide insights into your child’s learning differences and how much progress they’re making. Consider keeping all documents together in an organized binder.

Build relationships – Get to know your child’s teachers as well as school counsellors, speech language pathologists, or other therapists who are working with your child. Building relationships with the whole team can help keep the lines of communication open. There’s less chance of misunderstanding if everyone knows and talks to each other.

Recognize that your child behaves differently at home and school – It’s important to talk to your child’s teacher to find out how well they are functioning at school. Teacher-child relationships vary widely but given that teachers spend many hours a day with our kids, we can count on them to have a keen sense of how children learn and behave. When you meet with a teacher, ask about your child’s strengths and challenges. You can feel comfortable asking questions like: Does my child have difficulties with organization, following instructions, or staying on task? Have you noticed any delays in their academic or social development? Do they get along well with other kids?

Maximize parent-teacher conference time – Many of us go to parent-teacher conferences unprepared. We arrive without questions, receive an enormous amount of information about our child’s academic performance, and then leave with a laundry list of concerns we haven’t been able to talk through. You can maximize your time by planning questions to ask at the beginning, not the end, of the conference. By asking your questions up front, you’ll help ensure that the conference time is used to address your child’s challenges, set appropriate goals, and determine whether any specialized supports might be needed.

Remember that you’re a part of the team – Parents shouldn’t feel pressured to make a decision. Keep in mind that you’re an equal member of the decision-making team. So, while it’s important to be receptive to the school staff’s thoughts, you don’t have to agree to something you think goes against what’s best for your child.

Communicate regularly – IPP meetings and parent-teacher conferences are good opportunities to get an update on your child’s progress. But there are also other times and ways to get updates. You can email or call the teacher with questions. Parent Association meetings may provide insight into curriculum and other resources that could affect your child. Communication is key to a successful team supporting your child!

Creating a Calming Corner in Your Home

October has begun and our children have already been in school for a month. Many are exhausted, overwhelmed, and dysregulated. Being able to calm down, or self-regulate, is a learned skill. One way to help children learn how to self-regulate is by providing them with a Calming Corner. A Calming Corner is a designated space in a home or classroom with the sole intent of being a safe space for a child to calm when they feel their emotions are running too high.

Calming Corners can help children to practice identifying feelings and emotions to better manage stress, self-regulate and control their impulses. Having a space designed to support them emotionally and physically helps them feel safe and comfortable, allowing them to let down their guard and process their feelings.

Learning how to communicate one’s feelings and emotions can be difficult, but calming spaces such as this help children practice mindfulness and develop skills they need to identify their emotions and communicate them when necessary. Stronger communication skills help them form stronger relationships with others and develop skills in empathy.

Consider making it as simple as possible so that it does not overwhelm your child. Consider what supports your child when they are upset. For example, does your child prefer quiet or music? Do they like low lighting, darkness, or bright lights?

Calming music to be helpful in regaining control of their emotions.

Add artwork – some ideas that might work well for your children include nature, animals, and landscapes.

Put out a basket with sensory play objects. For many kids, using and exploring sensory play can help them deescalate when they’re feeling overwhelmed.

Don’t think of it as a ‘time out’ or punishment – there shouldn’t be any stigma associated with the calm down corner. Although you may encourage a child to spend some time in the space when you feel they’re starting to become distressed, the goal is that eventually the child will recognize when they want to be there and will go there on their own to self-regulate and calm down.

Use Visuals – There are some great print-ables for Calm Down Corners available online.

Fill the space with stuffed animals, soft blankets and cushions.

This space can be used by anyone in the family when they are feeling overwhelmed and need a little time and support to process and regulate.

Anxious feelings are normal and expected for children returning to or starting school. We can help our kids manage their worries and stress with a few tips.

Take Care of the Basics – Ensure your child is getting enough sleep, eating regular meals, has daily exercise, and practices healthy coping skills.

• Provide Empathy – Listen to your child. Allow them to share their fears and worries with you. This can help lessen their fears and reduce their worries.
• Problem Solve – Once you have listened to your child and know what’s bothering them, you can start to develop a coping plan. For example, you can tell your child “Let’s think of some ways you could handle that situation”. Anxious children are often unable to problem solve and may doubt their ability to cope. Addressing fears head on and creating an active plan with concrete solutions can significantly reduce worries and anxieties.
• Focus on the Positive Aspects – Once you understand what your child is afraid of, and you have a coping plan to address these fears, you can encourage your child to re-direct attention away from their worries and direct them towards the positive things in their life. For example, you can ask your child “Tell me 1 thing you liked about school today”.
• Pay Attention to your own Behavior – It is completely normal for parents to experience their own feelings of worry and anxiety. Children take cues from their parents, so the more confidence you can model, the more your child will believe they can handle any challenge. Be supportive, yet firm. When saying good-bye, say it cheerfully, and only once. If they display any protests, you can say in a calm voice ” I can see that going to school is making you feel scared, it’s ok to be scared, you still have to go to school. Tell me what you are worried about, so we can talk about it”.

2-3 Days Before School Starts

• Go to the school several times – walking, taking the bus, or driving. Play at the school park and on the school grounds. Making the route familiar can help alleviate uncertainty.
• For new students, take a tour of the school, most schools have open doors a few days before the start of school. Take a peek in the classrooms, check out the bathrooms and cafeteria. Pop into the office to say “hi”. If possible, meet your child’s teacher.
• Ask your child to help choose what they want to wear on the first few days of school. Together with your child, pack up their school bag the night before, include a special toy or comfort item for young children who may be nervous about separating from you. A little love note in their lunch or snack can provide some much-needed reassurance throughout the day.

The First Day of School

• Prepare a favourite breakfast to help make the morning more fun.
• Decide who will take your child to school. If your child can go to school with a friend, it can help it feel less scary. If you can drive your child to school, or have a family member help out, in the first few days, it can make the transition back to school a little easier.
• If your child has a history of separation anxiety, talk to their teacher. Most teachers can help you with the transition and may know some helpful tips.
• Most importantly, praise your child for their brave behaviour. You could plan a fun meal or activity at the end of the first day or the end of the week to celebrate your child’s success. Take the time to listen to your child and acknowledge all of the feelings that they have.

Transitioning from the school routine into a summer routine schedule can be challenging for some kids. As a parent, you want your child to enjoy the summer break while also staying well-rested and happy. We want our kids to go back to school feeling energized and ready to learn. This transition can involve changes in routine, sleep patterns, and social interactions. As a parent of a child with unique learning needs, you want to ensure their transition is as smooth as possible.

Plan ahead with conversations, social stories, and helpful examples – The first step in helping your child transition into the summer schedule is to have open conversations about what the summer will look like. Depending on your child’s age and unique needs, this conversation can be brief or more detailed. Keep it positive and fun.

Adjust Bedtimes and Wake-up Times – Try to make small changes to their sleeping patterns every few days. Adjust their bedtimes and wake up times by 5-10 minutes to help their bodies gradually adjust to the new schedule. Some children may not handle changes to their sleep schedules very well, if this is the case, keep their sleep schedules the same throughout the year.

Keep a Routine and Post It – We thrive on consistency and structure. Having a routine can reduce anxiety and stress. Routine creates a sense of normalcy and helps children learn to manage change effectively.

Encourage Physical Activity and Independent Play – During the summer break, children can become sluggish and more sedentary. Regular physical activity is an excellent way to help you children regulate their sleep schedule, improve their mood, and boost their overall health and well-being.

Limit Screen Time (or find ways to use it wisely) – Plan a schedule that allows for enough rest, exercise, playtime, and learning time. Define the amount of screen time allowed each day and stick to it. Encourage your child to take frequent breaks when using electronic devices. While limiting screen time is important, there are also ways to make it useful. Encourage your child to engage in educational activities on the screen and model healthy screen time yourself.

Incorporate some Learning Activities – Summer is a time to have fun! So, when incorporating learning activities into your child’s summer routine, make sure that they are engaging and enjoyable. This does not mean spending a lot of money or effort. There are simple, yet fun, ways to engage our kids, trivia games, scavenger hunts, outdoor experiments, or arts and crafts.

Provide Healthy Snacks and Lots of Hydration – By providing your child with healthy snacks and lots of hydration, you can help them maintain their energy levels throughout the day and avoid the afternoon slump that can come with a change in routine.

Resist the Urge to Overschedule – Be realistic about the number of activities you sign your child up for and allow for plenty of downtime for relaxation and free play. This will help your child adjust to the change in routine and enjoy the summer more.

Use Transition Strategies Between Activities – and to Transition into the New Routine – Moving from one activity to another can be a significant challenge. As a parent, you should be proactive in creating ‘transition strategies’ that your child will find useful. These can include using timers or alarms that go off at the beginning and end of the activity, or visual schedules and symbols can be used to create a sense of routine.

Maintain Social Connections – School may be over, but maintaining social connections is still extremely important. Schedule playdates, check your community for group activities, enroll your child in a summer class or activity. This will allow your child to have fun and create new experiences, as well as build and maintain important social connections.

Remember to celebrate the small wins. Transitions can be tough on children, so make sure to acknowledge and celebrate their successes. Whether it’s waking up on time, trying a new activity, or making a new friend at camp, celebrate it!

Jealousy is a part of human nature, it’s normal to feel jealousy from time to time. Jealousy in children usually arises when the parent’s love and attention is divided.

“When children feel understood, their loneliness and hurt diminish. When children are understood, their love for their parent is deepened. A parent’s sympathy serves as emotional first aid for bruised feelings. When we genuinely acknowledge a child’s plight and voice their disappointment, they often gather the strength to face reality” – Haim Ginott, Teacher/Psychologist/Parent Educator

Strengthen your connection…

• One on One Time.
• Connect with each child every chance you get – smiles, soft touches, encouraging comments.
• Short moments of attention and acknowledgement can be just as beneficial as extended periods of play, engagement, and attention.
• Try to see the situation from their viewpoint.

Laughter and nature are strong medicine…

• Laughter and nature help us let go of anxiety and helps us transform our bodies’ chemistry to reduce stress hormones and increases our bonding hormones.
• Let them know you are there for them.

Acknowledge your child’s emotions…

• If children can talk about their feelings in a safe environment, then they don’t have to act out on their feelings.
• If they think jealousy is bad or wrong, they may feel less likely to share how they feel with you.
• To transform behaviour, give your child support and reinforce their positive qualities and the actions and reactions you want to see.

Try not to compare children socially, physically, emotionally, or academically. Every child is a whole new package and like anything that’s absolutely unique, it’s as useless as comparing apples and oranges. Celebrate differences by acknowledging the strengths in each child.

While screens are a part of today’s culture, there are increased health benefits linked to reducing screen time, including improved physical health, decreased obesity and more time to play and explore.

The Canadian Pediatric Society Recommends:

• For children under 2 years old, screen time is not recommended.
• For children 2-5 years old, limit screen time to less than 1 hour per day.
• For children older than 5 years old, limit screen time to less than 2 hours per day.

Screen Time Strategies

• Role Model – Be a good role model with your own screen time. Be sure to put your phone down and connect with your children as often as possible.
• Be accountable – Set expectations with your children and create goals together to help reduce screen time. Many devices have features to set time limits for use.
• Be realistic – If your children spend a lot of time on screens, including watching TV, start by setting smaller, more obtainable goals. Instead of jumping to the recommended one to two hours or less per day, start by cutting current screen time in half.
• Be engaged – After school or work, spend time each day face to face with your children and give them your full attention.
• Put hand-held devices away – During screen free hours, put devices away or at a charging station in a common area so they’re not attracting your children’s attention.
• Create phone-free zones in the home – Making family meals and bedtime routines, a phone-free zone is a great place to start.
• Avoid using screens at bedtime – Turn off screens an hour before bedtime.
• Go outside! – Putting down the phone and taking a walk or playing outdoors increases your endorphins and provides feelings of happiness in your brain, boosting your mood and improving your physical health. Check out these resources in Calgary for ideas on where you can go: CalgaryPlaygroundReview.com

Young children generally have limited ability to calm themselves. When their parents provide them with a variety of tools to calm down, they learn how to comfort themselves. What helps will depend on the individual child and the situation.

• Introduce the calming activity: Watch what works to help your child calm down. Use this information to select a self-calming strategy that will work for them. Find a fun or interesting way to share it at a time when they are not upset. For example, if your child is calmed by looking at books, invite them to create a quiet spot with cushions and books; a space they can use to calm down. You can also teach skills like taking deep breaths by having your child pretend to blow out candles.
• Link the activity to a change in feelings: Once your child is familiar with the activity, refer to the feelings that are associated with participating in the activity. For example, you might say, “It is relaxing sitting on these comfy cushions; it helps me feel calm” or “Deep breaths help me blow my worries away”.
• Practice using the tool when your child is calm: Encourage your child to practice using the strategy with stories, games, or by modeling. For example, while drawing with your child, you could say, “I’m going to pretend I’m angry and draw my feelings”. Or when you are experiencing an intense emotion, show your child that you use the strategy too, “I’m feeling very mad right now, I’m going to go to the quiet spot to read so I can calm down.”
• Prompt your child to use the tool: Use a verbal reminder, “Looks like you are feeling angry” or a visual reminder (you can use an emotion chart) to remind your child to use the strategy. Sometimes giving a choice will help reduce resistance, “What would help you to feel calm – drawing or reading in your special spot?”
• Back out and let your child use the tool: The end goal is to have your child use the strategy on their own. When your child starts to do this, back out and let them take responsibility. Be sure to comment on how responsible they are for taking time to calm down.
• Give your child frequent pleasant experiences that let them experience happiness and joy, so they know what feeling good feels like.