Parents Learning Together

Opportunities to develop independence are important for building self-esteem, frustration tolerance, and perseverance.

Set predictable routines – consistent routines help children anticipate their day, enabling them to be better equipped to take on responsibilities. As children experience these routines repeatedly, they learn to anticipate what comes next, allowing them to take on more responsibilities with less help. For example, if you allow your children to do some prep work, such as putting toothpaste on their brush, or putting napkins on the dinner table, they are more likely to take on more of these steps on their own.

Let your child choose – giving choices can be a great way to support growing independence. Involve them in what to wear or what to play by providing 2 or 3 options (more can overwhelm them) and praise them when they make a choice. Providing choices can be especially valuable when your child insists on doing something their way. For example, if they want to cross the street by themselves, you can offer them a choice, to either hold your hand or to be carried. This allows them to feel empowered while you keep them safe.

Let your child help – in addition to building independence, this can be a great tool for calming tantrums or redirecting behaviour by giving them a sense of control. Allowing children to help increases their confidence and provides more opportunities for them to learn new skills. For example, when making scrambled eggs, first pour the milk into a small pitcher and have your child pour the milk into the bowl. This communicates that you trust them to take on small tasks.

Let your child solve problems – giving your child tasks that are a little bit challenging or providing them with space to solve small problems on their own, helps them learn new skills, building their independence. Remember to focus on the effort your child makes and not the end result. Let them know you are proud of them for trying new things.

Nurture free play – independent and unstructured play is essential for fostering creativity, problem-solving, and autonomy.  Offer a variety of art materials (crayons, markers, chalk, finger paints), building materials (blocks, Lego, boxes) or let them construct their own craft or play using recycled materials, such as paper towel rolls, coffee canisters and cereal boxes. Observe your child while they play and notice what they are drawn to. Use these observations to guide and extend their play, if needed. If they seem stuck, you can model a solution or problem-solve together.

You can use the word PRIDE to remember these strategies when engaging and providing feedback to your child while they work and play!

P = Praise – let them know you are proud of them for the effort they are making, or when you see them engaging in expected actions.

R = Reflect – reflect appropriate speech, helping to demonstrate to your child that you are listening and understanding. For example, your child says, “I made a tower.” You respond back with “You made a tower!”

I = Imitate expected actions. This gives positive attention to their engagement and effort and promotes cooperation. For example, when your child builds a tower, you build a tower too.

D = Describe your child’s actions within play and activities, this reinforces your child’s positive play and draws their attention to it. You might say, “I see you drew a rainbow!” or “We are building a tower together.”

E = Be Enthusiastic! This helps to make your interactions more fun which helps to engage your child. For example, you can use a playful or singsong voice, exaggerate your emotions when you’re talking, and smile often.

Building independence takes time and patience. Letting children carry out tasks often means the task will take twice as long and end up in a mess. Messes can be cleaned up and allowing children to do things in their own time, provides parents the opportunity to practice patience, a skill that is constantly being challenged, while children learn new skills.

(adapted from Child Mind Institute)