Parents Learning Together

Let children know they are the boss of their own bodies – create opportunities for your child to understand that they are in control of how they interact with others and how others interact with them. Never force hugs or kisses, even with relatives. If your child does not want to hug during greetings or goodbyes, let them know that is OK, they can wave, high-five, blow a kiss, or simply say goodbye.

Ask for permission before touching children and encourage them to do the same – model this behaviour. Before reaching out for a hug from a child, niece, nephew etc, ask permission to do so. If the child is very young, or nonverbal, get into the habit of communicating consent by letting them know what you are doing and why, before you touch them. For example, “I’m going to button up your shirt, so you will be ready for school,” or “I’m going to rub shampoo into your hair, so you’re clean.”

Be direct about talking about body anatomy – it’s common to rely on cutesy phrases when referring to genitalia but coming up with alternate words can send the message that parts of our bodies are embarrassing, or not to be talked about. Kids who are taught not to talk about their bodies may feel less connected to their bodies and may not listen to their own body signals, making it hard to distinguish between a good touch and a bad touch.

Let children know its ok to ask for help and help them identify ‘safe’ adults – teach kids that safe adults listen to what they want and need, and don’t make them feel uncomfortable or scared. Finding safe adults at school, church, community centres and family members will help build up your child’s network.

Talk about consent outside of the context of sex – Typically, the word ‘consent’ is brought up in a sexual context only, but you can make consent a part of everyday conversations by using it to frame any permission-seeking. Teach kids to ask for consent before borrowing items, before posting photos online, when making group plans, and as always, before touching other people. Visit this link for more resources on teaching kids consent: https://www.nsvrc.org/blogs/how-parents-can-talk-their-kids-about-consent

Talk early and often – Sexual development is just as important as physical, cognitive, and emotional development. Having age-appropriate conversations throughout your child’s development can help our kids feel more confident and comfortable seeking out honest and open conversations about their bodies, boundaries, and consent. Not having these conversations can lead to our children developing unhealthy attitudes or beliefs about their own sexuality and others’ sexuality.

Emphasize confidence and emotional intelligence – Healthy boundaries often require us to be confident in our own opinions, desires, and needs. To build confidence, children need to learn how to identify what they need, where their limits are, and the types of interactions with which they are comfortable. We can help our kids build emotional intelligence (EI is the ability to manage both your emotions and understand the emotions of people around you through open and honest discussions.) Talk about emotions and acknowledge your own and your child’s emotions frequently, encourage them to share how they are feeling. Ask questions like “how did that make you feel?” or “why do you think you felt that way?” or “would you do anything differently next time?”

Teach them it’s ok to say NO – being able to say ‘no’ is a basic skill that every child needs to learn as it applies to all personal boundaries. Saying ‘no’ isn’t always easy and some people have great difficulty saying ‘no.’ Practice early and often with your child. Role-play different scenarios, such as saying no to a family member asking for a hug or saying no to a friend that wants to play something your child doesn’t want to. While practicing how to say no, also discuss and practice scenarios on how your child may react if they are on the receiving end of ‘no.’ We can all feel rejected when told ‘no’ but practicing different ways of dealing with rejection can help in future relationships. Healthy boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. Boundaries are flexible and will change as your children grow. Have lots of conversations about the different types of boundaries and why they are important and remember that this takes patience and practice. Be aware of your own boundaries and make sure you communicate your own needs and wants.