Bulletin Board

Parents Learning Together was recently joined by one of Lead’s behavior specialists. She helped the group learn to connect with their children before making any behavioral corrections.

• It is important that grown-ups set out boundaries and communicate expectations to children.
• Correcting a child should begin in a loving and nurturing way. Even when children have done something wrong, we want them to still feel seen, heard, and loved.

How do we show our children that they are seen, heard, and loved? We can use the ‘Connection Cycle.’

Communicate Comfort

• Positive touch.
• Non-threatening facial expressions.
• Get down to their level.
• Soft tone of voice.
• Non-threatening body posture (relaxed vs. crossed arms).

Validate

• Identify and label what the child is feeling.
• Show that you understand why they are upset.
• Acknowledge that you heard their concerns from their point of view.

Listen

• Try not to ‘lecture’, especially when the child is already in a heightened.
• emotional state
• Try not to challenge their thoughts.
• Engage in Active Listening

Reflect

• Communicate to the child what they have said.
• Let the child know they have your attention.
• Ultimately, we want the child to know that you understand their position.

Once the child has calmed from the limit or boundaries that have been set, we can work on ‘repairing’ the relationship. We can discuss with the child why the limit or expectation was put in place. Now that the child is more regulated, we can use more language as well as plan for similar future scenarios.

Self-regulation refers to one’s ability to monitor and adjust their level of alertness, emotions and actions in response to various cues from their body or the environment. There are 3 neurological components that need to work together: Emotional, Cognitive, and Sensory.

Co-Regulation is the process where children are learning self-regulation skills and benefit from the support of caregivers as they learn to understand and respond to cues from their body and environment.

Sensory Regulation: The ability to select and process sensory information in order to plan and perform expected behaviors.

Sensory Dysregulation: When the body is out of balance due to the sensory environment (i.e., unexpected loud noise).

Sensory Processing: Taking in, understanding, and using sensory information to perform daily activities.

We have 8 sensory systems:

1. Touch
2. Vision
3. Hearing
4. Taste
5. Smell
6. Proprioception (movement)
7. Vestibular (balance)
8. Interoception (internal sensations)

Activities to Support Sensory Processing:

• Have your child explore different sensory tools when they are calm (eg, playdoh, shaving cream, massages or tickles)
• Have adults or peers demonstrate using these sensory tools
• Create a sensory space in the home or classroom where the different
  sensory tools are available.
• Some sensory activities to try: messy play including finger painting, playing barefoot in the grass, blowing bubbles or a whistle.
• Discuss sensory needs with an Occupational Therapist.

“Emotions are the fabric that connects us to the world”

Handling big emotions is a tough job! As parents, there are many ways we can support our children in learning how to cope with these big feelings. Below are some strategies to co-regulate with your child, or help them when they experience big emotions:

Connect and Redirect – It is important to connect to our child first, before we take any further steps. Acknowledging feelings and expressing empathy, helps to create this connection. From here, you can set boundaries and redirect. “I can see you might feel frustrated. It’s ok to feel upset. I can help you”.

Stories – sharing and reading stories of how others cope with big emotions can help our kids understand themselves.

Offer Choices – Provide lots of opportunities to help your child feel in control, find ways to allow them to make decisions for themselves. For example, “Red shirt or blue shirt?”

Move the Body – A powerful way to gain emotional balance is to move the body – dance, play, run, climb, wrestle (this increases bonding hormones and decreases stress hormones).

Play, Pause, and Rewind – After an upsetting event, children benefit from pausing and taking a look back at what happened. Storytelling helps children understand, process and heal from stressful events.

Let the Emotions Roll By – Give reminders that everything passes, emotions are transient and will come and go.

Emotion Coaching Phrases

Sibling relationships can be warm and caring, but they can also be unique and challenging. Because they are an important source of support and connection here are some strategies for supporting sibling play and communication and developing strong bonds:

Set Ground Rules – setting up clear schedules and family expectations can help prevent conflicts from starting

Provide Positive Reinforcement – it’s more effective for us to avoid focusing on behaviors we don’t want to see and instead focus on and reinforce the behaviors we do want to see. Let them know when they are doing it right

Clear up Roles & Responsibilities – define roles clearly and have open conversations about what is expected. Set age-appropriate boundaries and give age-appropriate tasks.

Encourage Connection – taking turns, sharing, and problem solving are all skills that can be learned at home. Set them up with activities that encourage them to work together, have one child teach the other child a new skill and praise their effort. Do things together as a family, when you can, to deepen family ties. Get out in nature. Laugh and play together.

When dealing with sibling conflict…

• Keep your goal in mind – problem solve
• Look after your own needs – self care
• Have positive expectations – focus on the behaviors you want to see
• Avoid labelling or comparing children – we are all unique and special

Seeing each child as a unique individual, avoiding labelling, or comparing your children, having realistic expectations, and keeping your goals of problem solving in mind can help foster a more harmonious home environment.

Belonging – It is a basic human need to feel connected, this need is met through relationships with others. There is great value in children feeling that they are connected to parents and caregivers that will protect and guide them.
Uniqueness – We are all unique and different, our role as parents and caregivers is to honor that uniqueness and help children discover who they are.
Power – Children need to feel that they have some influence on the world around them. Parents and caregivers can support children in learning how to make decisions and solve problems independently.
Freedom of Expression – Children who experience the freedom of saying what they think and feel will eventually learn what they need to do to get their needs met. Children should be encouraged to say what they think, openly express their feelings, ask for what they want and need, and ways to communicate effectively.

Tips to Promote Healthy Self-Esteem

• Ensure children know you love them unconditionally. The way we see our children, or the way our children believe we see them, has a profound effect on the way they see themselves. Focus on supporting children with a calm and positive presence, even when they are experiencing challenges and big emotions.
• Practice positive self-talk with them. We all engage in mind chatter, it is important to focus on sending ourselves positive messages of love and acceptance.
• Give them age-appropriate tasks to help you out. Setting and achieving realistic tasks will help them feel useful, responsible, and competent.
• Join their play. Research shows that child led play helps our children develop across all domains including cognitive, social, mental, emotional, and physical.

Occupational Therapist guest speakers joined the group to share some amazing tips and tools to help our wee ones, and ourselves, get the sleep we all need to function optimally.

Five Sleep Tips:

• Create a bedtime routine at the same time every night such as brush teeth, put on pjs, tell a story.
• Relax before bedtime – keep activities calm and gentle like reading or listening to soft music.
• Keep regular sleep & wake times – this helps keep your child’s internal sleep clock in a regular pattern.
• Set up the environment – ensure proper lighting, temperature, noise, bedding materials.
• Avoid using screens 1-2 hours before bedtime – the artificial light created by iPads, phones, and computers stimulates, rather than calms, our children’s brains, limiting the use of screens before bedtime can help our children relax and get ready for bed.

You may be interested in exploring the following resources…

Places to Seek Support:
Pediatric Sleep Clinic – Alberta Children’s Hospital
MyKidz Pediatric Sleep Clinic

Websites:
Canadian Sleep Society
Sleep for kids: Teaching the importance of sleep
Sleep Habits 101

5 Key Points with Feelings:

Feelings are Transitory – they don’t last forever
Feelings need to be Acknowledged
Feelings vary in Intensity
Everyone has Feelings
Parents have Feelings too

If you would like some extra support in coping with your child’s, or your own, big emotions, come and join Parents Learning Together to fill your tool box.

Here is a great resource to learn more about your child’s emotions from a developmental perspective: ‘The Whole Brain Child’ – Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.

How Do We Know Our Children Are Ready?

Some signs of readiness are:
1.   Your child can pull their pants on and off
2.   Your child can stay dry for periods of time throughout the day
3.   Your child shows interest in what goes on in the bathroom
4.   They can sit on the toilet without resistance
5.   They may start to hide to poop or pee
6.   They let you know they need to go to the bathroom

If your child is showing these signs, it might be time to start the training process. Toilet training is a new skill for children so it is important to be supportive and as consistent as possible.