Bulletin Board

Young children generally have limited ability to calm themselves. When their parents provide them with a variety of tools to calm down, they learn how to comfort themselves. What helps will depend on the individual child and the situation.

• Introduce the calming activity: Watch what works to help your child calm down. Use this information to select a self-calming strategy that will work for them. Find a fun or interesting way to share it at a time when they are not upset. For example, if your child is calmed by looking at books, invite them to create a quiet spot with cushions and books; a space they can use to calm down. You can also teach skills like taking deep breaths by having your child pretend to blow out candles.
• Link the activity to a change in feelings: Once your child is familiar with the activity, refer to the feelings that are associated with participating in the activity. For example, you might say, “It is relaxing sitting on these comfy cushions; it helps me feel calm” or “Deep breaths help me blow my worries away”.
• Practice using the tool when your child is calm: Encourage your child to practice using the strategy with stories, games, or by modeling. For example, while drawing with your child, you could say, “I’m going to pretend I’m angry and draw my feelings”. Or when you are experiencing an intense emotion, show your child that you use the strategy too, “I’m feeling very mad right now, I’m going to go to the quiet spot to read so I can calm down.”
• Prompt your child to use the tool: Use a verbal reminder, “Looks like you are feeling angry” or a visual reminder (you can use an emotion chart) to remind your child to use the strategy. Sometimes giving a choice will help reduce resistance, “What would help you to feel calm – drawing or reading in your special spot?”
• Back out and let your child use the tool: The end goal is to have your child use the strategy on their own. When your child starts to do this, back out and let them take responsibility. Be sure to comment on how responsible they are for taking time to calm down.
• Give your child frequent pleasant experiences that let them experience happiness and joy, so they know what feeling good feels like.

Parents Learning Together was recently joined by one of Lead’s behavior specialists. She helped the group learn to connect with their children before making any behavioral corrections.

• It is important that grown-ups set out boundaries and communicate expectations to children.
• Correcting a child should begin in a loving and nurturing way. Even when children have done something wrong, we want them to still feel seen, heard, and loved.

How do we show our children that they are seen, heard, and loved? We can use the ‘Connection Cycle.’

Communicate Comfort

• Positive touch.
• Non-threatening facial expressions.
• Get down to their level.
• Soft tone of voice.
• Non-threatening body posture (relaxed vs. crossed arms).

Validate

• Identify and label what the child is feeling.
• Show that you understand why they are upset.
• Acknowledge that you heard their concerns from their point of view.

Listen

• Try not to ‘lecture’, especially when the child is already in a heightened.
• emotional state
• Try not to challenge their thoughts.
• Engage in Active Listening

Reflect

• Communicate to the child what they have said.
• Let the child know they have your attention.
• Ultimately, we want the child to know that you understand their position.

Once the child has calmed from the limit or boundaries that have been set, we can work on ‘repairing’ the relationship. We can discuss with the child why the limit or expectation was put in place. Now that the child is more regulated, we can use more language as well as plan for similar future scenarios.

Self-regulation refers to one’s ability to monitor and adjust their level of alertness, emotions and actions in response to various cues from their body or the environment. There are 3 neurological components that need to work together: Emotional, Cognitive, and Sensory.

Children are learning self-regulation skills and benefit from the support of caregivers as they learn to understand and respond to cues from their body and environment. This support is called co-regulation!

Sensory Regulation: The ability to select and process sensory information in order to plan and perform expected behaviors.

Sensory Dysregulation: When the body is out of balance due to the sensory environment (i.e., unexpected loud noise).

Sensory Processing: Taking in, understanding, and using sensory information to perform daily activities.

We have 8 sensory systems

1. Touch
2. Vision
3. Hearing
4. Taste
5. Smell
6. Proprioception (movement)
7. Vestibular (balance)
8. Interoception (internal sensations)

Activities to Support Sensory Processing

• • Have your child explore different sensory tools when they are calm (eg, playdoh, shaving cream, massages or tickles)
  • Have adults or peers demonstrate using these sensory tools
  • Create a sensory space in the home or classroom where the different
    sensory tools are available.
  • Some sensory activities to try: messy play including finger painting, playing barefoot in the grass, blowing bubbles or a whistle.
  • Discuss sensory needs with an Occupational Therapist.

The Holidays can be a stressful time for caregivers. Filled with happy times and overwhelming times. It may not seem like there is time for self care, but this is an effective way to reduce stress, improve wellbeing, and help find some joy during those overwhelming times.

Make time for yourself – It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of extra tasks and hassles that the holidays bring. Added on top of regular caregiver responsibilities, it can really crank up the stress level. To help balance this out, make it a priority to take some time for yourself to sit quietly, relax and recharge. Remind yourself that self care isn’t a waste of time. Brief time-outs can make you feel more present and calm.

Know your priorities – There may be dozens of things going on during the holiday season, and you can run yourself ragged trying to keep up with all of the demands. Take a moment to consider what is the most important to you? Taking this time to consider what gives you the most meaning and fulfillment can help you prioritize activities, events, and even people.

Reflect on what you are grateful for – Practicing daily gratitude is a proven stress buster. The practice of gratitude can change your perspective and can help you see that there is always some good in life, even in tough times. To practice, write down 3 things you are grateful for, or tell someone why you are grateful for them.

Remember that holiday stress will pass – When you are in the middle of a stressful situation, it can feel as if it will never pass. Keep reminding yourself that this will be over soon, and that you have successfully made it through every other holiday season, and you will this one too. Try to notice all the positive things happening and see the joy.

Try to understand why you might be having negative emotions – Negative emotions during the holidays could be related to unrealistic expectations of yourself or your family, goals set too high, or just feeling overwhelmed. If you are feeling negative, you may need to adjust your expectations to match the reality of the situation or choose to do a few less activities.

Find reasons to laugh – Humor is a fantastic way to reduce stress and an effective way of coping with challenging situations. Take the opportunity to laugh as much as possible during the holidays. If being funny doesn’t come naturally to you, watch a funny movie, play a funny game like charades, or have a fun sing-along.

Take a few moments for deep breathing, meditation, or music – To help your body de-stress and relax, try a simple breathing technique that can be used anywhere at any time – Box Breathing – or try meditating for a few minutes – 2 Minute Mindfulness. Other ways to help your body and mind release tension are to get out into nature, listen to music, do a quick workout, or stretch your body.

Lean on a self care buddy – When you know that times are going to be challenging, it can help you to have someone to talk to – in person, online, via phone, or even by text. Sharing our challenges with others in a non-judgmental environment can really help alleviate stress and remind us that we aren’t alone.

Healthy boundaries are flexible and will change as your children grow. You will likely have many conversations about different types of boundaries and why they are important. Be aware of your own boundaries, and make sure you communicate your own needs and wants.

Let your children know they are the boss of their own bodies – Create opportunities for your child to understand that they are in control of how they interact with others and how others interact with them. Never force hugs or kisses, even with relatives. If your child does not want to hug during greetings or good-byes, let them know that is OK, they can wave, high-five, blow a kiss, or simply say goodbye.

Ask for permission before touching children and encourage them to do the same – Model this behaviour. Before reaching out for a hug from a child, niece, nephew etc., ask permission to do so. If the child is very young, or nonverbal, be sure to check in with them and let them know what you are doing and why. For example, “I’m going to button up your shirt, so you will be ready for school”, or “I’m going to rub shampoo in your hair, so you’re clean”.

Be direct about talking about body anatomy – It’s common to rely on cute or silly names when referring to body parts, but coming up with alternate words can send the message that parts of our bodies are embarrassing, or not to be talked about, making it hard to distinguish between safe interactions and safe touch.

Let children know it’s ok to ask for help and help them identify ‘safe’ adults – Teach kids that safe adults listen to what they want and need, and don’t make them feel uncomfortable or scared. Finding safe adults at school, in the community, and extended family members will help build up your child’s network.

Talk early and often – Sexual development is just as important as physical, cognitive, and emotional development. Having age-appropriate conversations throughout your child’s development can help our kids feel more confident and comfortable seeking out honest and open conversations about their bodies, boundaries, and consent.

Emphasize confidence and emotional boundaries – Healthy boundaries often require us to be confident in our own opinions, desires, and needs. To build confidence, children need to learn how to identify what they need, where their limits are, and the types of interactions with which they are comfortable. Talk about emotions and acknowledge your own and your child’s emotions frequently. Ask questions like “How did that make you feel?” or “Why do you think you felt that way?” or “Would you do anything differently next time?”

“Emotions are the fabric that connects us to the world”

Handling big emotions is a tough job! As parents, there are many ways we can support our children in learning how to cope with these big feelings. Below are some strategies to co-regulate with your child, or help them when they experience big emotions:

Connect and Redirect – It is important to connect to our child first, before we take any further steps. Acknowledging feelings and expressing empathy, helps to create this connection. From here, you can set boundaries and redirect. “I can see you might feel frustrated. It’s ok to feel upset. I can help you”.

Stories – sharing and reading stories of how others cope with big emotions can help our kids understand themselves.

Offer Choices – Provide lots of opportunities to help your child feel in control, find ways to allow them to make decisions for themselves. For example, “Red shirt or blue shirt?”

Move the Body – A powerful way to gain emotional balance is to move the body – dance, play, run, climb, wrestle (this increases bonding hormones and decreases stress hormones).

Play, Pause, and Rewind – After an upsetting event, children benefit from pausing and taking a look back at what happened. Storytelling helps children understand, process and heal from stressful events.

Let the Emotions Roll By – Give reminders that everything passes, emotions are transient and will come and go.

Emotion Coaching Phrases

Anxious feelings are normal and expected for children returning to, or starting school. We can help our kids manage their worries and stress with a few tips.

1. Take Care of the Basics – Ensure your child is getting enough sleep, eating regular meals, has daily exercise, and practices healthy coping skills.
2. Provide Empathy – Listen to your child. Allow them to share their fears and worries with you. This can help lessen their fears and reduce their worries.
3. Problem Solve – Once you have listened to your child and know what’s bothering them, you can start to develop a coping plan. For example, you can tell your child “Let’s think of some ways you could handle that situation”. Anxious children are often unable to problem solve and may doubt their ability to cope. Addressing fears head on and creating an active plan with concrete solutions can significantly reduce worries and anxieties.
4. Focus on the Positive Aspects – Once you have an understanding of what your child is afraid of, and you have a coping plan to address these fears, you can encourage your child to re-direct attention away from their worries and direct them towards the positive things in their life. For example, you can ask your child “Tell me 1 thing you liked about school today”.
5. Pay Attention to your own Behavior – It is completely normal for parents to experience their own feelings of worry and anxiety. Children take cues from their parents, so the more confidence you can model, the more your child will believe they can handle any challenge. Be supportive, yet firm. When saying good-bye, say it cheerfully, and only once. If they display any protests, you can say in a calm voice ” I can see that going to school is making you feel scared, it’s ok to be scared, you still have to go to school. Tell me what you are worried about, so we can talk about it”.

Friendship Building Tips

Learning how to navigate social situations involves learning many new skills. We can help our kids at home using these tips:

1. Greetings and Questions – Try to make a habit of practicing different greetings throughout the day, model good listening skills, and take turns asking and answering open-ended questions, for example, “How are you?”
2. Respecting Personal Space – Learning about the personal space needs of others is a skill that will benefit your child throughout their life. Try using hula-hoops or your arms to demonstrate the concept of ‘personal bubbles’ and move around the room trying not to touch each-other’s ‘personal bubble’. If your child is overly affectionate, try teaching them to replace hugs with high-fives or fist bumps.
3. Levels of Voice – Encourage your child to listen and match the level of your voice. Imagine your voice has a volume dial and practice turning the volume up and down
4. Dealing with Rejection – Children who are learning new social skills and meeting new friends will inevitably experience rejection at some point. As a parent, we can be ready to support them when this happens. Remind them of all of their wonderful qualities that make them the amazing child they are, and encourage them to continue to practice their skills of meeting new people.
5. Reading and Responding to Social Signals – Communication is so much more than just words. Body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, and volume of voice are all used when we communicate. Social signals are the variety of ways in which we communicate using our body language and facial expressions. Help your child learn common social signals. Use visuals, pictures, social stories, books and your own face to teach different expressions.

Big Emotions When Making Friends

1. Patience – Learning how to wait for a turn in play or a time to speak in conversation is an important social skill. Play board-games and use timers at home to practice taking turns.
2. Flexibility – Help your child make compromises using “First/Then” statements. For example, “First we play my game, Then we play your game”.
3. Communicating Strong Emotions – Practice acknowledging and accepting your child’s emotions and teach them healthy ways of expressing them. For example, “When we are mad, we can stomp our feet like dinosaurs”. Daily meditation and deep breathing practices are good ways to help our children regulate.

It is important to offer our children opportunities to practice their newly learned social skills.

• Find a Parent Support Group – connecting with other parents in similar situations can provide opportunities to grow your child’s social circle, in a supportive and loving environment.
• Schedule Play Dates – set up the environment by making a list of activities and have the children take turns selecting the activities out of a hat.
• Look for Inclusive Clubs and Social Groups – check out local community organizations that foster inclusive environments.

Fall registration is ongoing, and parents have many questions regarding how to advocate for their children in the school system. Parents Learning Together invited a Lead Early Learning Coordinator to help guide families through the process.

She recommended:

• Check out the school’s website
• Request a school tour – you can do this before the start of school in September
• Know how the school supports communication and resolution between home and school
• Attend the school’s Open House and attend Parent – Teacher conferences
• Call, visit, and email the principal
• Play on the school playground, maybe you’ll meet other parents or children
• Attend school council meetings – you can go before your child starts attending the school

Communicating with the School

1. Your child’s teacher, principal, etc. want to hear from you
2. When teachers have a relationship with parents, they know the child better, teaching and learning is improved
3. You are not bothering a teacher with your communications; you are facilitating easier and smoother communication, especially if there is a tricky situation
4. Don’t worry about your own communication skills!

Occupational Therapist guest speakers joined the group to discuss sensory regulation. How can we support children to understand and manage different sensory stimuli, which can affect their regulation needs?

Sensory regulation skills help support a child with processing and managing their tolerance to different stimuli, so that they can help regulate their body and get it ready for learning, sharing, and playing. Sensory regulation skills continue to change and develop throughout childhood and adulthood.

Key Terms:

• Arousal – how awake or alert or how tired you are. For example, a child may have lots of energy and will run, jump, and bump into things, or they may not sleep well at night and are tired during the day.
• Regulation – the ability to match arousal to the environment and the activity. For example, during circle time, a child can sit quietly in one spot to listen to their teacher as they read a story. Their bodies can process all of the different sensory stimuli that is happening around them, including the brightness of the lights, any noise around them, etc.
• Dysregulation – this is the opposite of regulated, the individual is not in the optimal state. For example, a child may become upset and distressed when visiting public washrooms, where the loud flushing toilet is overwhelming for them, or the sound of the hand dryer scares them.
• Optimal Arousal – the level of arousal matches the environment and activity, this is sometimes referred to as “just right”. For example, at night-time, optimal arousal is low enough to facilitate sleep
• Co-Regulation – regulation develops over time and begins with co-regulation, this is when someone else helps another individual to regulate. For example, if a child is crying, an adult will lend them their calm by saying soothing words in a soft and gentle voice.
• Self-Regulation – the ability to stay regulated without the help of others, using strategies to help achieve the optimal arousal. For example, as a child gets older, and with support and modelling from an adult, a child starts to recognize signs when they need to seek sensory regulation support. This could be knowing that if there is a loud noise, they can cover their ears with their hands, or wear noise-cancelling headphones, or if their body is feeling busy, they can go and jump on a trampoline for a short while, or if they need to calm their body, they can go to a quiet area and look at a book. Self-regulation takes time, patience, and a lot of practice.